i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize