Define "chronic" masturbator.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
