the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
