I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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