i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
