"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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