I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize