He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
