fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize