I can tuck mytits in my pants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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