so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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