You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize