I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
