are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
