I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
