eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
