never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
