Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
