I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
