margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
