Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I need help removing her.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
