You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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