The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
