i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
