This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
