I'm going to jail i love you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
