PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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