I bet he comes in French.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
