There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
