I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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