you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they're like a gay fantastic four
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize