Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
