You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
