He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
