My room smells like vodka and shame
wat bout pragnant strippers??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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