i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
