Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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