While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize