It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
