i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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