A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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