East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
