i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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