that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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