Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
