Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
