no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
