Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
