I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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