last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
