Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
