Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
