I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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