i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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