I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize