Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
