I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
