you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
