...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
