ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
