I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
