the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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