Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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