I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
