Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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