I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
