It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
