North Korea, Best Korea!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
