i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
