I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
