The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Randomize