We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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