Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
