It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
