I seem to have left my pride at pride
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
