I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
