im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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