Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
