I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
