So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
