I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize