Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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