his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
