I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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