There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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