I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
