my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
