ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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