Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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