oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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