Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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