ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
