dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had to cum in my sink.
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