I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize