My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
