from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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