I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
