fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
