Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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