every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
